Dear Diary going on a beautiful trip to Thailand over Christmas, five star hotels, chauffeurs, hot tubs, private beaches- all the way. The best thing is, I haven't even paid for it! I know, it's wonderful! Instead the taxpayer is taking me out for a little trip. But frankly for all the hard work I do... I mean I chair the Select rubbish removal committee and the flower pit regulation board!
Dear Diary
Oh, what a week my savings are set to triple in price with Georgie's new budget; oh it's clever, this new budget. You see, it make it appear as though the budget helps pensioners and young savers and I suppose it does, but that's not the point. It helps us get even more knew from our oh-so-wonderful trust funds and get taxed even less. Let's be honest here, who the hell would want to help other people less fortunate, their ancestors should have just betrayed their country when the Normans came over!
Dear Diary
Well it's been a great week. Had a wonderful time taking the mick out of Labour for Paul Flowers the Crystal Methodist. I mean obviously we're going for the whole the errors of one man reflect the entire party thing. I suppose it's not right, but we can't actually think of any clever way to ruin other party's reputations so we'll go for the easy way- corruption 4 ever.
Dear Diary
Fantastic day! I've been promoted to welfare minister. Whatever the hell that is... But anyway, I get a bigger pay packet, more free holidays, and a chance to wheedle my way up to the top. In the meanwhile I'm celebrating by claiming expenses which rival the NHS budget (although that's not so much any more). Actually, come to think of it, my expenses allowance might be the NHS budget...
Dear diary
I was, really distressed this week when I was faced choice of what to claim in my expenses. I was perhaps a little cocky in saying that three jacuzzis were needed for my 'relaxation' (and between you and me, my 5 girlfriends, and my wife). I decided that I could probably blag a fourth home, and even gave a try at getting a Ferrari. Maybe I went too far though when I claimed that I should be able to buy Birmingham, but I'm sure it would be cheap!
Dear diary
I'm sorry to say, that I may be replacing you soon. My new computer has arrived and I will be writing in my ijournal, the new internet journal from pear. It means that I can assess my journal from anywhere, and apple can track everything i do, read my journal, and disclose my location to anyone who pays for it.
Any comparison or connection to any real life organisations that could be drawn from the text is purely coincidental.
Dear diary
Had a really interesting week, I listened to Nick Clegg's latest speech full of promises, so now I know exactly what he won't be doing if he gets voted in again (which he won't). This weeks entry will have to be a little short as I have a great deal of offshore banking to sort out. Oh the hardships of tax dodging!
Dear diary
Had an interesting day today, lots of phone calls, and I discovered the wonders of the hold button, now I can abruptly break off a conversation to talk to someone else while showing that I don't like the first person I was talking to, via telephone!
Oh the glories of. Technology, everyday there are new advances in cyber-ingnorence
Dear Diary (that's a bit drab isn't it)
Had so much to do today, all these U-turns are really tiring. I think I've forgotten just how difficult it is to do nothing at all helpful to any member of human kind. Though I suppose I am really quite a moral person. I will defend my humongous pay cheque with noble ferocity, and bribery, and blackmail...
Ok, right, this might not actually be doing me any favors.
Right, off to bed now, I've got a hard day of racist accusations tomorrow.
We will begin to post a wide variety of diaries, beginning with "Backbencher" ,the diary of a backbench MP We can only hope I don't make a pigs ear of this little project.- The views of the "backbench MP" are those of a fictional character, so do not necessarily reflect the views of the blog's writers.
