Sunday, 29 June 2014

LOOM

The loom band is now engraved in our popular culture, almost overnight it has consumed not only the lives of children, but those of adults.

The world is united through loom bands!
 Peace has been found in the loom!
This small stretchy piece of coloured plastic is our salvation!

The loom can be made into anything, from bracelet to bus, necklace to noodle, skipping rope to skis. There is no need for any soul to be without a material item for they can just use the loom bands. An extension to your home- no problem! A private jet- easy! A personal slave- done in a minute!

We'd like to launch a new, break through service

LOOMS 4 YOU 

Any time, any where, any loom 

Call: 00000000100000001
Email: bankdetailsplease@moneyohthegloriousmoney.com
Post: Platform 8 The Man in with the dark glasses
Marleybone
London
UK 






Portaloos at Glastonbury

The much reported media sensation has swept across all formats of news in recent weeks, it has overwhelmed the journalists of the world with the Internet being swamped by a never ending tidal wave of photos of the story.

Portaloos.

Or perhaps we should say PORTALOOS!!! 
As they seem to be an inexhaustible source of fascination to the population of Earth we felt that the gargantuan font was entirely appropriate.

We will now precede to write several thousand words on the history of the portable toilet, so to provide you with an all-encompassing knowledge of today's hot gossip.

A Brief History of Portaloos 

Perhaps the most important part of any portable toilet is the chemicals used to break down the waste , product, in today's modern age chemicals such as formaldehyde are used- to gain a full understanding of the portable toilet in all its glory we must first understand the formalderhyde chemical. 

Formaldehyde is an organic compound with the formula CH2O or HCHO. It is the simplest aldehyde and is also known by its systematic name methanal. The common name of this substance comes from its similarity and relation to formic acid.
A gas at room temperature, formaldehyde is colorless and has a characteristic pungent, irritating odor. It is an important precursor to many other materials and chemical compounds. In 1996, the installed capacity for the production of formaldehyde was estimated to be 8.7 million tonnes per year.[3] Commercial solutions of formaldehyde in water, commonly called formol, were formerly used as disinfectants and for preservation of biological specimens. It is commonly used in nail hardeners and/or nail varnish.
In view of its widespread use, toxicity and volatility, exposure to formaldehyde is a significant consideration for human health.[4] In 2011, the US National Toxicology Program described formaldehyde as "known to be a human carcinogen".[5][6][7]
Formaldehyde
Skeletal fomula of formaldehyde with explicit hydrogens addedSpacefill model of formaldehyde
Ball and stick model of formaldehyde
Identifiers
CAS number50-00-0 Yes
PubChem712
ChemSpider692 Yes
UNII1HG84L3525 Yes
EC number200-001-8
UN number2209
DrugBankDB03843
KEGGD00017 Yes
MeSHFormaldehyde
ChEBICHEBI:16842 Yes
ChEMBLCHEMBL1255 Yes
RTECS numberLP8925000
ATCvet codeQP53AX19
Beilstein Reference1209228
Gmelin Reference445
3DMetB00018
Jmol-3D imagesImage 1
Properties[2]
Molecular formulaCH2O
Molar mass30.03 g mol−1
AppearanceColorless gas
Density0.8153 g/cm³ (−20 °C)[1]
Melting point−92 °C (−134 °F; 181 K)
Boiling point−19 °C (−2 °F; 254 K)[1]
Solubility in water400 g dm−3
log P0.350
Acidity (pKa)13.3
Basicity (pKb)0.7
Dipole moment2.33 D
Structure
Molecular shapeTrigonal planar
Hazards
MSDSMSDS
EU Index605-001-00-5
EU classificationToxic (T)
Corrosive (C)
Carc. Cat. 1
R-phrasesR23/24/25 R34 R43 R45
S-phrases(S1/2) S26 S36/37/39 S45S51 S53 S60
NFPA 704
NFPA 704 four-colored diamond
4
3
0
Flash point64 °C (147 °F; 337 K)
Autoignition temperature430 °C (806 °F; 703 K)
Explosive limits7–73%
LD50100 mg/kg (oral, rat)
Related compounds
Related aldehydesAcetaldehyde
Related compoundsmethanol
formic acid
Except where noted otherwise, data are given for materials in their standard state (at 25 °C (77 °F), 100 kPa)
 Yes (verify) (what is: Yes/?)
Infobox references
Formaldehyde is an organic compound with the formula CH2O or HCHO. It is the simplest aldehyde and is also known by its systematic name methanal. The common name of this substance comes from its similarity and relation to formic acid.
A gas at room temperature, formaldehyde is colorless and has a characteristic pungent, irritating odor. It is an important precursor to many other materials and chemical compounds. In 1996, the installed capacity for the production of formaldehyde was estimated to be 8.7 million tonnes per year.[3] Commercial solutions of formaldehyde in water, commonly called formol, were formerly used as disinfectants and for preservation of biological specimens. It is commonly used in nail hardeners and/or nail varnish.
In view of its widespread use, toxicity and volatility, exposure to formaldehyde is a significant consideration for human health.[4] In 2011, the US National Toxicology Program described formaldehyde as "known to be a human carcinogen".[5][6][7]

Forms of formaldehyde[edit]

Formaldehyde is more complicated than many simple carbon compounds in that it adopts several different forms. One important derivative is the cyclic trimer metaformaldehyde or 1,3,5-trioxane with the formula (CH2O)3. There is also an infinite polymer called paraformaldehyde. These compounds have similar chemical properties to the molecule CH2O.
When dissolved in water, formaldehyde forms a hydrate, methanediol, with the formula H2C(OH)2. This also exists in equilibrium with various oligomers (short polymers), depending on the concentration and temperature. A saturated water solution, of about 40% formaldehyde by volume or 37% by mass, is called "100% formalin". A small amount of stabilizer, such as methanol, is usually added to suppress oxidation and polymerization. A typical commercial grade formalin may contain 10–12% methanol in addition to various metallic impurities.

Occurrence[edit]

Processes in the upper atmosphere contribute up to 90% of the total formaldehyde in the environment. Formaldehyde is an intermediate in the oxidation (or combustion) of methane as well as of other carbon compounds, e.g. in forest firesautomobile exhaust, and tobacco smoke. When produced in the atmosphere by the action of sunlight and oxygen on atmospheric methane and other hydrocarbons, it becomes part of smog. Formaldehyde has also been detected in outer space (see below).
Formaldehyde and its oligomers and hydrates are rarely encountered in living organisms. Methanogenesis proceeds via the equivalent[clarification needed] of formaldehyde, but this one-carbon species is masked as amethylene group in methanopterin. Formaldehyde is the primary cause of methanol's toxicity, since methanol is metabolised into formaldehyde by alcohol dehydrogenase. Formaldehyde does not accumulate in the environment, because it is broken down within a few hours by sunlight or by bacteria present in soil or water. Humans metabolize formaldehyde quickly, so it does not accumulate, and is converted to formic acid in the body.

Interstellar formaldehyde[edit]

Formaldehyde was the first polyatomic organic molecule detected in the interstellar medium.[8] Since its initial detection in 1869, it has been observed in many regions of the galaxy. Because of the widespread interest in interstellar formaldehyde, it has recently been extensively studied, yielding new extragalactic sources.[9] A proposed mechanism for the formation is the hydrogenation of CO ice, shown below.[10]
H + CO → HCO
HCO + H → H2CO (rate constant=9.2×10−3 s−1)[clarification needed]
Formaldehyde appears to be a useful probe for astrochemists due to its low reactivity in the gas phase and to the fact that the 110←111 and 211←212 K-doublet transitions are rather clear.

Synthesis and industrial production[edit]

Formaldehyde was first reported in 1859 by the Russian chemist Aleksandr Butlerov (1828–86)[11] and was conclusively identified in 1869 by August Wilhelm von Hofmann.[12][13]
Formaldehyde is produced industrially by the catalytic oxidation of methanol. The most common catalysts are silver metal or a mixture of an iron and molybdenum or vanadium oxides. In the commonly used formox process, methanol and oxygen react at ca. 250–400 °C in presence of iron oxide in combination with molybdenum and/or vanadium to produce formaldehyde according to the chemical equation:[3]
2 CH3OH + O2 → 2 CH2O + 2 H2O
The silver-based catalyst usually operates at a higher temperature, about 650 °C. Two chemical reactions on it simultaneously produce formaldehyde: that shown above and the dehydrogenation reaction:
CH3OH → H2CO + H2
In principle, formaldehyde could be generated by oxidation of methane, but this route is not industrially viable because the formaldehyde is more easily oxidized than methane.[3]

Organic chemistry[edit]

Formaldehyde is a building block in the synthesis of many other compounds of specialised and industrial significance. It exhibits most of the chemical properties of other aldehydes but is more reactive. For example, it is more readily oxidized by atmospheric oxygen into formic acid (formic acid is found in ppm levels in commercial formaldehyde). Formaldehyde is a good electrophile, participating in electrophilic aromatic substitutionreactions with aromatic compounds, and can undergo electrophilic addition reactions with alkenes and aromatics. Formaldehyde undergoes a Cannizzaro reaction in the presence of basic catalysts to produce formic acidand methanol.

Examples of organic synthetic applications[edit]

Condensation with acetaldehyde affords pentaerythritol, a chemical necessary in synthesizing PETN, a high explosive.[14] Condensation with phenols gives phenol-formaldehyde resins. With 4-substituted phenols one obtains calixarenes.[15]
When combined with hydrogen sulfide, it forms trithiane.[16]
3CH2O + 3H2S → (CH2S)3 + 3H2O

With thanks to Wikipedia 




Sunday, 1 June 2014

Sharing

Once again we would be very grateful if you could share the blog in any way that you can!

Thank you

Twitter+Facebook

The following post is so important it will be in big letters (and red).

WE HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT (SO MODERN). GIVE US A FOLLOW OR A LIKE (IF THAT'S HOW YOU SAY IT...). 

@CynclR

www.facebook.com/cynicalramblings 



Omelette

Following meticulous and thoughtful considerations we have come to the conclusion that it would be worthwhile to write another blog post oriented on simple, easy-to-cook and functionary meals (as we refer to the 'Cheese tostie' post which was received so well). 
The omelette, never again has such a dish with such colossal potential to be customised arisen from the minds of the culinary world. The Omelette is a meal which can reflect the very soul of its creator, the very heart of the human who shattered the shells of the egg which form that egg-yellow base (apologies for the poor quality of that simile, our interesting-adjective consultant was recently trampled to death by an obese gerbil and we have yet to find a replacement). The Omelette commands trillions of combinations of toppings, with he list voyaging on to infinity; some of the best toppings though can be found right here, on this very post. 
  • cheese
  • tomato
  • tomato&cheese
  • cheese&tomato
  • venison
  • venison&cheese
  • cheese&venison
  • chocolate
  • chocolate&cheese
  • chocolate&venison  
We would like to take this opportunity to mourn the abrupt and sorrowful passing of the writer of this very post, who, in his enthusiasm whilst typing on their keyboard accidentally walked out of the building , got lost and was mauled by a tiger in the most clandestine of locations. To commemorate their life, we sacked them a second prior to the total obliteration of their second leg. This employee disposal (by which we mean the sacking and not the unfathomable incident of the eating-aliveness) was due to the most unsatisfactory omelette topping combinations that they have listed; we felt that readers may be mislead by the topping blasphemy, for it is common knowledge that tomato and cheese is a amalgamation far superior to cheese and tomato.

Job Applications  

Interesting-adjective consultant
68K per annum with potential for promotion (possibly to assistant deputy director for adverbs) 

Send applications to: 
65 tomato road- Cynical Ramblings Culinary Division
Cheese Heath
Feckingham (yes that's a real place, but don't include this stuff in the brackets in the postal address)
F56 HY45

OR
Send a short (140 character application) to @CynclR (it's live!)

We look forward to hearing from you 

Village anyone?


Tumultuous, sleepless nights are a regular occurrence when one lies in bed with a fractured turbulent mind, utterly distraught and wrought over one singular desire. A village.  
It is often something to test the strength of the mind, to contemplate how one ever survived without a village! However, at last this pain can be relinquished, at last this pain can be set free, at last you can own a £11.5 million, Devon village with a cluster of cottages, a sandy shore, and... A shop! 
What, you may ask, is the point of this over-sized acquisition? Well, here are just a few
  • if you've ever wanted to re-enact Viking raiders then why not simply run around your personal village screaming and burning down property, without prosecution?! 
  • why not evict some of the residents for whom the village has been their home since the very day they were born, just to see the look on their faces?! 
  • explore the range of things to do in the Devonshire countryside (this is because we can't think of any more vaguely amusing things ...). 
Now, £11.5m is a rather large sum of money, but, if hundreds of people grouped together, stood together and paid a shed-load of money, together, then this village could be theirs! 
Our plan is to collect that £11.5m sum and buy this village explicitly for the Cynical Ramblings community!

To donate:  

Post to: 89 Gullible Lane, Scamshire, Swindleton
Email: wewilljuststeelthemoney@isitpossibletobethisthick
Twitter (aren't we modern?!): @fraud (can we make it more obvious?) 

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Ukraine's kitten train

A group of Ukrainian activists have created a kitten train full of plush cushions,books and with the picture of kittens on the carriges.
This story has no real world significance, but we just thought we'd share it with you...

You may have noticed there have been multiple stories about kittens published in Cynical Ramblings recently, our deepest apologies, but a small team of militant cats have infiltrated our offices and are slowly working through our pages (some of which have been updated by the way), filling them with kitten pictures

Stop! We would like to inform you that the writing above (in bold) is a lie. We hope you realised this already, but if not, please don't hesitate to contact the addresses below.

helpibeliveanythingwithkittens@thatmightnotbesobad.com

2356
Gulliblekitten road
Catshum
Democratic Rebublic of Feline Species